What works for one person might not work for another, but since I’ve been stuck in a depressive spell, I decided to share a few things that help me get through it. I’m going to type this out for those who prefer to read. However, I did post a video if you would like to see it that way instead.
Diagnosed with both Schizoaffective Disorder and PTSD, I kind of get the depression bit as a double whammy. For the past…about a month, I think. I have trouble keeping track of time, but it’s been at least that long. I haven’t gotten anything done. No writing, no editing. I’ve barely kept up with the housework and the pets. My hygiene is shit. My best friend who I normally talk to at least every other day, I hadn’t spoken to in weeks until the day before yesterday.
I’ve just felt sick, fatigued, and couldn’t find interest in anything at all. Anytime I tried to write or read or draw, it just felt like work…like I was forcing myself to try and feel something that I just couldn’t feel at the moment. Instead of making the vlog linked above just a rant about how I’ve been feeling, I decided to try and do something constructive and share what usually gets me through these times.
Now, I will reiterate that you should continue your therapy, medication, and all the coping techniques such as journaling, music, art, whatever you typically use to deal. Also trying to stay somewhat social like having friends or family around who you trust and who will try to help in whatever way you ask is always a plus. Unfortunately, however, there is currently no cure for depression.
There are a wide range of people who struggle with this as well and not everyone has a diagnosis or is even deemed mentally unhealthy. Even stable people will go through periods where life seems to hold no value. And that’s ok. Your experiences are valid.
Personally, I have to remind myself that ‘This too shall pass;’ which is actually something my Mammaw used to say all the time. It’s absolutely true. Looking back on my timeline, I can logically see that yes, I slip into states of depression that have gotten as bad as me trying (and almost succeeding) in killing myself. I’ve been a self-harmer since the age of 12, and I’ve had some pretty crappy things happen in my life.
The thing is though, it does always pass. In between these terrible times, I can remember a lot of great things that have happened and even joy that I found in life in even small things. It’s not all doom and gloom. So when the depression hits, I remind myself of all this. It will come and it will go. I hold onto the good times.
Okay, so maybe that seems a pretty shitty way to live. You know…never knowing when the depression will hit and always knowing that it’s going to come back. Yeah, that sucks; I won’t sugar coat it. Nonetheless, what is the alternative? Kill myself or let myself die? No longer an option and I will tell you why.
Everyone has different spiritual beliefs; differing ideas about what we think will happen after we die. I’m not hear to place judgment on your religion, try to convert anyone, or anything of the like. If your beliefs make you happy, make you a better person, and you’re not harming anyone, then go for it! Your beliefs are valid.
But if you’re like me…you have doubted those beliefs, no matter how firmly you stand by them. You’ve wondered ‘what if I’m wrong?’ or ‘what if someone else is right?’ This isn’t something you have to admit to anyone. I’m just asking you to speak with yourself and think. A lot of people say they follow God or tell others they should follow because ‘do you really want to chance being wrong and spending eternity in Hell?’
This is what I’m asking you…in a sense… What if you’re wrong? What if the next life isn’t any better than this one? What if it isn’t an escape from the current torment you undergo? What then?
It’s my philosophy that there is no point in killing yourself or allowing yourself to die in hopes that you’ll be free in the next life. If it is as bad or worse than this one…what have you accomplished by dying? You could die on the off chance that it is better…or you could stick around and learn to cope and to find joy in this life or learn how to fight and make your life better.
Think then, IF you had been wrong, your soul/mind has now learned valuable lessons to make your next life better. And if you had been right about it all along, then what have you lost by spending just a little more time trying to learn and to better not only yourself, but the world?
Last thing I will leave you with is this: if anyone wants to talk to me to vent or ask questions or simply chitchat to get your mind off things, please don’t hesitated to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org OR message my Facebook Page. It may take me a couple of days to get back to you, but I do care and I will respond.
~Sahreth ‘Baphy’ Bowden