A symptom of schizophrenia is disorganized thoughts, which leads to disorganized behavior such as speech. I had been recording an informational video on schizophrenia, but midway through, I had to quit because my speech became so labored and it was too difficult to concentrate. So I did my best to record this clip, showing what this looks like when it happens to me.
Going back today and looking at what I had recorded for that other video, I realized that the problem had started well before I caught onto it. Even though, at the time, I thought I was relaying the information well, looking at it now in a clearly stable frame of mind, I can tell that it is rushed and very disorganized.
Therefore, I’ve had to redo everything.
I first started doing schizo and mental health vlog a few years ago, worked for about a year making informational videos as well as sharing stories on my experiences dealing with doctors, med updates, and symptoms. In addition, I asked my my wife and roommate to help me record when I actually displayed symptoms. I had several videos of this, including me going off and throwing stuff at my roommate, breaking down and trying to ignore the voices, and even me in the ER, getting admitted to the psychiatric ward.
Unfortunately, I ended up having a lot of stuff going on and quit vlogging. I only recently picked up this project again and on a new channel so there are just a few mental health videos up right now. The plus side of starting from scratch is I’ve learned a lot more so the information will be more succinct and accurate.
But the point in sharing when I acted unstable was not only to document for education, but to show people who only see me (or others) when they are in a healthy mindset that just because someone doesn’t always appear in a bad way, doesn’t mean they aren’t sick or struggling.
~Sarheth ‘Baphy’ Bowden